My Hero
by rcfrenchhorn33
Summary: The team's night at the bar will change everything. But is it for the best?
1. Chapter 1

**I do not own Criminal Minds nor any of the characters**

* * *

 _Why is this happening to me?_ I think to myself as I feel his hand move slowly up my thigh. Once again, I place my hand on his and remove it from my leg, glaring at him, but he doesn't seem to understand that I want him as far from me as possible. I look around the bar, hoping that someone will notice my struggle and help me, but the only person who I want to help me is dancing the night away with three other girls at present moment. _Derek! Notice me! Help me!_ But he never does. I look back at the drunk guy on the stool next to me, who is inching his hand back towards my leg, and I feel bile rise in my throat.

When I'm about to give up all hope of someone saving me, I feel a strong arm wrap around my shoulders and look up to see my incredible boss glaring at the man. "Everything okay, baby?" Hotch asks me before leaning down and kissing my temple.

"Just dealing with the usual drunk lechers."

"Well then I came just in time."

"Hey, man," the stranger interrupted. "The lady is doing just fine. We're bonding," he says as he places his hand on my thigh. I look up at Hotch as he's about to lunge at the man, a look of pure hatred and disgust on his face. I stand up abruptly and grab Hotch's hand.

"Let's go dance, sweetie," I say, pulling Hotch to the dance floor.

"Please, Penelope, let me go punch him in the face," he says, trying to pull away. I wrap his hands around my waist and pull him closer to me by wrapping my arms around his neck.

"Absolutely not. He's not worth a minute of your time. Just stay here, calm down, and dance with me."

"Fine," he replies, still glaring at the man over at the bar with his jaw locked. After dancing for a few moments, he seems to relax into dancing, pulling me closer and resting his head on top of mine, breathing in my shampoo. "Are you okay, Penelope?"

I pull back and look at him closely before resting my head against his chest. "I'm fine, boss man."

"Does that sort of thing happen a lot?"

"More than I'd like. But usually there's no one there to rescue me, so thank you."

"I'm sorry that I'm not always there."

"Don't apologize. You were there tonight. That's all that matters." He pulls me even closer to him as the music changes to a slow song that I'm not familiar with, but Hotch is. He starts to sing along, and before I know it, I feel myself truly relax for the first time in a long time. I'd never really thought about Hotch before. My thoughts are almost always on Derek. How much I want to be with Derek, how I hope that our conversations will one day become reality, how nicely Derek's butt fills out those jeans. But right now, in this moment, all I can think about is Hotch. How nice he smells, how well he sings, how relaxed and comforted I feel in his arms, how having him pretend to be with me made me feel better than I have in a very long time. I pull away from him and look up at him, examining him closely, as he looks confusedly back at me.

"Everything okay, Penelope?"

"Yeah, sorry, I just wanted to look at you."

He chuckles lightly, pulling me back to him, and I can feel him smiling against my head. I smile back in response and snuggle into his chest, breathing in his smell that is all man. Before I realize it, the music is changing again to something upbeat, and I pull back and look at Hotch, expecting him to want to stop dancing. To my surprise, however, he turns me around, grabs my hips and starts moving our hips together to the beat of the new music. I'm so surprised by how well he dances that I stutter my hips for a second and feel his erection pressed against me. I feel my face start to flush, but don't want to embarrass him, so I wrap my hand around the back of his neck, pulling him closer and staring at him as we move together.

We move together so effortlessly. I usually don't dance when we go out, but this is unlike any other dancing I've done before that I don't even care that I'd usually be sitting and relaxing. The world around us is quickly melting away until it is just the two of us in our own little world, dancing and looking at each other like we'd never seen the other before. Maybe we hadn't. At least, not like this. I've never seen Hotch like this. He looks so predatory, so relaxed, and so happy all at the same time. Kind of like a kid on Christmas morning who just got everything he asked for and more. I've never seen that look on a man's face when he's looking at me. But it feels really good.

Maybe I shouldn't have been paying attention to Derek all along. Maybe I should have been paying more attention to this man. This man who clearly likes me and was there for me at a time when Derek wasn't. The more I think about it, the more sense it makes. The way he looks at me when I enter a room, the way he always makes sure that I'm okay when they're away on a case, the way he comes to check on me as soon as they get back from cases. I'd always just thought that that was normal boss stuff, but Rossi never does any of that. Sometimes even Derek doesn't remember to do that and he's supposed to be my best friend. Maybe I should have been paying attention to Hotch all along. It seems like he's been paying attention to me.

Looking at him once again, I do the only thing that makes sense at the time. I pull his head closer to mine until our lips meet in a beautiful kiss right there in the middle of the dance floor. With all those people watching.


	2. Chapter 2

**I do not own Criminal Minds nor any of the characters**

* * *

 _Why is this happening to me? I can't fall in love with Penelope! She's in love with Derek! She's always been in love with Derek. But, she's not with Derek right now. That's for sure_ , I think to myself as Penelope slowly pulls out of our kiss, still with her hand gripped tightly behind my neck, not letting me go anywhere. The feeling of her in my arms is unlike anything I've ever experienced. I've spent so much time dreaming of something like this happening, and now it is. There's no way I'm going to second guess any of this.

I don't know when I started to develop feelings for Penelope, but they've been coming on strong for a while now. Maybe it was when she called me Aaron the first time. Maybe it was when she first walked into my life all those years ago. I was a different man, and I had Haley, but Penelope still meant a lot to me, even if it was just friendship. She's always been different and she's always held a large part of my heart, even if I ignored it for a long time.

But now, holding her in my arms, feeling her body against mine, moving together as one, like we were meant to have this happen, everything feels right. There is no more Derek. There is only me and Penelope and this perfect moment. I look down at her and she is staring at me, taking in every aspect of my face, memorizing it as if it's the first time she's really seeing it. I look at her and realize for the millionth time why she so often gets hit on in bars and why she should have every man falling at her feet: she is absolutely stunning. Penelope is all confidence and light. She is everything good and beautiful in this world, and everyone near her can see that. That's why men hit on her. But how has Derek not seen that when every other drunk loser can see it?

I've spent too much time waiting for Derek to get his shit together and find his way to Penelope. I've tried to be polite and courteous, recognizing that they seemed to be meant for each other, but Derek's never seemed to even give her the time of day. If he's not going to take a chance with this incredible woman, then I'm not going to wait around anymore and risk losing her. She's too precious to me. I can't lose another woman that I love. Oh shit. I love her. I do. I've been trying to deny it for such a long time, but it's the truth. I love her. But it's too soon to tell her. So for now, I'm just going to kiss her and make sure that she knows that she is the most incredible person in the world.

I lean in, capturing her lips in another beautiful kiss, but this time, there's something different there. As I coax her mouth open, I can sense the pure passion that is flooding through both of our veins. This kiss feels electric, and not just because her tongue is fighting mine for dominance like no other woman's has before. This time, everything is different. This kiss. It's everything. It's everything a kiss should be. Pure, lust-filled, romantic, desperate. It's perfect. How is it that everything about this woman is perfect?

I turn Penelope's body around so that she is facing me and I bury my hands in her hair, deepening the kiss even more, as she wraps her arms around my waist, pulling our bodies together, placing her hands partially under the hem of my shirt, rubbing slow circles into my skin, and creating even more desperation within me as she slowly grinds herself against my growing erection. Well, still growing. Somehow, it's still growing even though I've been turned on from the moment I saw her across the room wearing a skin-tight purple dress that made her look as desirable as sin. It was no wonder that man had tried to stick his hand up the skirt. I would too, if given the opportunity. Hopefully, I will by the end of the night.

Although, Penelope means way too much to me for us to take it that quickly. I don't want her to think that I'm only interested in her as a notch on my bedpost. If we're going to do this, we're going to do this right. But, being with her could only be right. There could never be anything wrong in that regard. When we make love, whether it is later tonight or ten years from now, it will be absolutely perfect. Just like her. But I really don't know that I'll be able to make it ten minutes let alone ten years. With that in mind, I pull away from Penelope and she tries to pull us back together, but I take a slight step away so that I can take a deep breath. She opens her eyes and looks both confused and saddened by my absence, but before she can say anything or start assuming that there's something wrong, I say, "Do you want to get out of here?"

"Yes, please," she responds. I grab her hand and pull her along behind me through the crowd in the bar, finally reaching the table that we had both abandoned so long ago. The table was still full with the other members of our team who made a great show of pretending that they hadn't been watching us kiss on the dance floor. We head to our seats and I grab my jacket while Penelope grabs hers and her purse. We say our goodbyes to the table and head out the door quickly, not taking any notice of the team or anyone else who might be staring at us as we practically run out of the bar.


	3. Chapter 3

**I do not own Criminal Minds nor any of the characters**

* * *

 _I can't believe this is happening right now. He wouldn't. He can't have feelings for Penelope,_ I think to myself as I see Hotch pull Penelope out of the bar, both looking like they're not sure that they're going to be able to keep their hands off of each other for any given period of time. I storm away from the dance floor and towards the bar, thinking about all that I've just seen and how ridiculous this whole situation is. I can't believe he'd do this to me! Hotch knows how much I lo- Never mind. Hotch clearly doesn't care about me and probably doesn't even care about Penelope. He's never shown interest in her in the past. Why now?

Maybe he saw how incredible she looked tonight and couldn't resist. She really did look amazing. She always looks amazing. But tonight in that dress, I wanted nothing more than to tear that dress off of her. But Hotch going after her? That's just crazy. She's my Baby Girl. Where does he get off thinking that he can just take her away from me? He can't. I can't lose her. Not to him. Not to anyone. Maybe I should have tried to stop them from leaving. Or stop him from dancing with her in the first place.

He did have his hands all over her when they were dancing. It was only slightly more appropriate than the dancing that I usually do at the clubs. But that is so unlike Penelope. She almost never dances. She always says no to dancing with me, and she only ever dances with Reid because she feels like a good dancer by comparison. But now she's saying yes to dancing with Hotch. And then makes out with him in public surrounded by strangers and her team? What has gotten into her? Maybe she just had too much to drink and then couldn't say no to him. That must be it. She couldn't seriously be interested in him.

But then there was that look on her face when they stopped kissing the first time. I don't know what that look was, but she used to only look at me like that. Why is she looking at him like that? Does she have feelings for him and she's just been hiding them all this time? I really hope not. I always thought that we- it doesn't matter now, I guess. He must be who she wants to be with. She danced with him, grinded up on him, kissed him in public, and then left with him. And I've done that enough times to know what comes next for them. Maybe they just need to get it out of their systems and then everything will be fine come work on Monday.

Or maybe they'll get together. They can't get together. I wouldn't be able to handle it. I can't have her with another man. And another man on the team at that. I mean, Hotch is like a brother to me. A bossy, somewhat annoying brother, but still a brother. And she, well, she's everything. This can't be happening. Maybe nothing will happen. Maybe they were just going outside to get some fresh air and they'll be back in any second. I look over towards the doors optimistically hoping that they'll wander back in, she'll see me standing over here and instantly come to me, demanding a dance and then…well, who knows?

But they don't come back in. No matter how long or hard I stare at that door, her beautiful face doesn't reappear. Well, I was being naïve anyway. I knew they wouldn't come back. They weren't out for fresh air. They went to his place or maybe hers and are having sex on every surface they can find. I really hope they don't go back to her apartment. I don't think I'll be able to look at it the same ever again. I mean, I've made too many memories at that place to have them tarnished by imaginings of Hotch and Pen getting it on. On the couch, where Pen and I cuddle when we're watching movies or just talking about our days. On the bed, where Pen and I fall asleep holding each other when I get back from cases. On the bathroom floor, where I held Pen tight as she cried her heart out after a really nasty case. All of those memories will be gone.

This can't actually be happening. I can't lose Pen. I can't. Overcome by my feelings, I don't even notice the girl on my right who is talking to me and has been for an unknown amount of time. I look over at her and see that she's cute, not really my type, but my type is pretty much exclusive to one person anymore. Maybe I should just go home with this girl. I mean, if Pen can go home with Hotch, then I can go home with this girl. She's not Pen, but she'll help me forget about everything that happened tonight for at least a few minutes.

I interrupt whatever the girl was rambling about and say, "Do you want to get out of here?"

"Absolutely," comes her breathy response. I grab her hand and pull her over to the table where the team is sitting and grab my things without making eye contact with any of them. The table is silent at first, but then Reid says "Are you alright, Derek?"

"Yeah, Pretty Boy. Why wouldn't I be?"

"Because of Penelope and Hotch," Reid responds before JJ smacks his arm, trying to get him to stop talking.

"I'm fine, kid. I just need to get out of here. I'll see you all on Monday," I reply before grabbing the girl's arm and heading out the front door. Before heading for my car, I push the girl up against the wall of the bar outside and kiss her, pretending that she's Penelope and I've finally gotten everything I'd ever wanted. But then I remember that she isn't Pen, and I pull out of the kiss, grabbing her hand and pulling her to my car before I can change my mind.


	4. Chapter 4

**I do not own Criminal Minds nor any of the characters**

* * *

 _Am I really going to do this? Am I really going to have sex with Hotch? He's my boss! But he's so incredible,_ I think to myself as Hotch's lips are on mine outside the bar. We didn't even make it to the car once we got outside. We couldn't contain ourselves so he pushed me up against the wall of the bar in the parking lot and started kissing me again. We're like two teenagers or something. It's never been this way for me before. Usually I'm able to have an ounce of self-control when it comes to men, but not with Hotch.

If he stops touching me, I might explode. But if he keeps touching me, I might insist that we have sex right here against this wall. Where anyone could walk past us. Oh god. Even just the thought of that makes me even hotter. And I didn't think that was possible at this point. His hands are all over me and yet not where I need them to be. I moan against his mouth as his hand starts massaging my breast. We're finally starting to get somewhere.

My mouth breaks away from his as the need to breathe overtakes me. Hotch's mouth instantly moves to my neck as his hands continue to work their magic. However, as I'm less focused on what I'm doing than on what's being done to me, I start to think about who's doing it to me. This is my boss. Boss man. Hotch. Hotch who has a son and was married and signs my paycheck. This is so wrong. But so right. I've really never felt like this before. Like something is this right. Like it's this perfect.

I've honestly been so focused on Derek all this time that I didn't even really notice Hotch. How terrible is that? Here was this incredible man standing in front of me, but I never saw him. Why did I pay so much attention to Derek? He never really deserved it. I mean, I always thought that something would happen between me and Derek, but after enough time, I should have realized just how wrong I was. I mean, if he wanted to be with me, he would have made it happen by now. He would have been with me and not let other girls throw themselves at him every time we go out.

No, Derek doesn't feel the way about me that I do about him. So why spend any more time thinking about him. I've finally seen this incredible man before me. Now I need to start paying the attention to him that I should have been paying him all along. Better late than never, I guess. I look at his face as he pulls away from my neck, and our eye contact is electric. I know staying here against this wall is no longer safe as soon as I see the look in his eyes. He's looking at me like I'm the most desirable thing in the world. Like I'm the most beautiful and sexy person he's ever met and if he goes another second without tasting me, he'll die. That's what his eyes are telling me. And then his mouth is telling me the same thing.

I grab the back of his head and pull him back to me, smashing our mouths together in a manner that should be painful, but is so enjoyable that there's no pain whatsoever. I don't know what will happen for us, but for the first time in a while, I'm okay with not knowing. I feel that with Hotch, everything will work out and be okay in the end. He wouldn't let anything bad happen to us or between us. And now I can see how much he cares about me and wants to be with me, so he wouldn't let anything happen.

Hotch again removes himself from my mouth and refocuses on my neck which must be his new favorite spot. Oh, I'm going to be so bruised in the morning. It's a good thing it's the weekend and I have until Monday to recover from this night. I can tell that I'm going to need it. Oh boy am I going to need time to recover from this. Maybe forever. I can already tell that tonight is going to be the best I've ever had, I just never thought that the best I'd ever have would be with Hotch. I always reserved that idea and fantasy for Derek.

As my thoughts turn once again to Derek, I hear a noise off to my right, and I look over to see Derek leaving the bar. With some girl. One of the floozies who had been all over him tonight. He looks at first like he doesn't want to be with her, but he must want to, because he grabs her and pushes her against the wall, kissing her for all he's worth. I always wanted him to do that to me. But he never will. And it doesn't really matter, because I have someone doing that to me now, and the things he's making me feel are better than Derek has ever made me feel.

Seeing Derek with that girl would ordinarily upset me, and on some level it still does, but not as much as it used to. Maybe because seeing him with someone else is on some level like receiving permission to do this with Hotch. It's the universe's way of telling me that if Derek can go home with someone and not even think about me, then I can go home with Hotch and not think about Derek.

Looking away from Derek and back to Hotch, I grab his shirt and pull him to the car, ready to get away from this bar, away from Derek, and on with my life. A new life. A new Penelope.


	5. Chapter 5

**I do not own Criminal Minds nor any of the characters**

* * *

 _Am I really doing this? Am I really going to take Penelope back to my house? Is she really interested in me?_ I think to myself as I help Penelope into the passenger seat of my car before getting into my seat and driving away from the bar. I look over at Penelope and she's looking back at me, giving me that same look as before when we were dancing. The look that feels like she's noticing me for the first time. Really seeing me like she's never seen me before. Maybe she is seeing me like she's never seen me before. I mean, there's every chance that she's never thought about me in a sexual light before. I am her boss after all. But she's going to be seeing me in a whole new light after the night is over. As long as tonight actually happens.

I can't help but question my actions as we head towards my house. Bringing Penelope home. Into the house that I shared with Haley. Into the house where Jack and I live. Where my family is. As much as it seems like I should be thinking that this is wrong and I shouldn't be doing this, it seems so right. Everything with Penelope feels so right. I don't mind that I'm bringing her into the home that I shared with another woman or that my son might see her in the morning when he comes home from his sleepover. None of it matters. Because I want that to happen. I want Penelope to become part of my family with Jack. I need her to be a part of my life. And not just as a coworker. A real part of my life and my family.

So even though this should be wrong, there is absolutely nothing wrong about it. It's just me and Penelope. No one else and nothing else can interfere with the rightness of this moment. Not even Derek can come between us tonight. He had so many girls on him tonight that I doubt he even noticed the two of us slip out. He's probably taking some random girl home right now, not even thinking about Penelope and how he's missing out on the most incredible woman in the world. How could he not notice Penelope? I don't understand how that's even possible. But somewhere along the line, Derek didn't have the courage to go after Penelope. And his loss is my gain, I suppose.

I look back over at Penelope and she's still staring at me, looking thoughtful, and I begin to worry that maybe she doesn't want this after all. Maybe she just got swept up in the moment and didn't stop to think about what was going to happen. "Penelope," I begin. "Are you sure you want to do this? Go home with me, I mean. We don't have to do anything you don't want to and I don't want you to feel pressured into doing something or think that because I'm your boss you have to come home with me-"

"Aaron, stop. I wouldn't be in this car if I didn't want to be. I want to go home with you and have all the things happen that we both want to have happen. I don't feel pressured at all. This is what I want. And I hope you want it too."

"Of course I want it! I wouldn't be acting this oddly if I didn't want it more desperately than I've wanted anything in a long while." Penelope smiles at me in response to this. "I don't know why, but this feels really right to me, Pen."

"It feels that way to me too. Honestly, I feel like it should feel wrong, but it doesn't. Something about being with you puts me at ease and lets me know that everything is going to be perfect. Being with you is just…perfect."

"That's exactly how I feel about you. This is going to sound odd, but I'm really glad that that guy was trying to put his hand up your skirt tonight. I might not have had the courage to finally go for it if it hadn't been for that."

Penelope chuckles before responding, "I guess I'm glad too. In a very weird way. Sometimes fate has a way of making things like that happen. I don't know if I mentioned it earlier, but thank you for saving me. You really are my hero. Usually people don't notice or care when things like that happen to me, so I'm glad you came over when you did."

"Why do you never say anything about the men who hit on you?"

"Because I don't want to bother you guys with something like that. We get maybe one night a week to relax and destress. The last thing I want to do is have you or Derek getting into a fist fight with some loser at the bar who thought he could put his hand up my skirt and it would be okay. I'm a big girl. I can handle men like that usually. Tonight was just a bad one. The guy just didn't get it. So I'm very grateful to you for rescuing me from having to hurt him myself."

"I'm glad I came over too. Mostly I'm glad about how the night ended up. And how it'll go from here," I smile at her while pulling up outside my house. I jump out of the car and run around to her side to help her out, only to push her up against the car and kiss her senseless grinding my erection against, just to remind her of how much I want her. I pull away from her and start pulling her towards the house. I stop again outside the door and look at her. She has a look in her eyes that is pure lust and desire, but I still need to make sure that this is right for her too.

"One last time, Pen, are you sure about this?"

"I've never been more sure of anything." That's all the confirmation I need to pull her inside the house and turn this into the best night of our lives. And maybe the start of a new life. A life together.


	6. Chapter 6

**I do not own Criminal Minds nor any of the characters**

* * *

 _Maybe I can skip work today. Just get back in my car and head home. No one has to know that I even came in today,_ I think to myself as I head into the office. Monday mornings are always rough, but usually knowing that I'll get to see Penelope helps me to be okay with the start of a new week and the potential for new cases to crop up. But today, knowing that things could be entirely different makes me want to be anywhere but at work.

Maybe things won't actually be different. Maybe they didn't end up having sex. There's always the chance that Penelope saw reason before having sex with him and changed her mind. Maybe I'll go in and everything will be the same. Penelope will have stopped looking at Hotch like he means more to her than she realized, and she'll be back to looking at me. I'll go in and everything will be okay. Nothing will change. Pen and I can still get our happy ending. They won't be together.

As soon as I walk through the glass doors, I realize just how wrong my mantra was. The first thing that greets me as I enter is Hotch and Penelope outside her office, talking very closely and quietly and sneaking a kiss before she pulls him into her office and shuts the door behind them. I look at the closing door with disgust before gathering myself and walking to my desk. I put my things down and see that JJ is looking at me with concern in her eyes.

"Everything okay, Morgan?" she asks.

"Not really, JJ," I reply, huffing and falling into my seat.

"Is this because of those two?" she points towards Penelope's door.

"How could you tell?"

"Derek, you should just tell her how you feel."

"I don't know what you're talking about JJ."

"Derek, pull your head out of your ass. We all know how you feel about Penelope. Pretending you don't isn't cool. It just makes you a jerk. And Pen deserves better than that. We both know it."

"Maybe that's why she's with Hotch."

"But she'd be with you if you would just tell her how you felt."

"I don't believe that for a second. She doesn't have feelings for me. That's become very obvious over the past few days."

"She does have feelings for you! She's just upset because you never notice her, so she started giving up. And then she realized that Hotch has feelings for her."

"What do you mean I don't notice her? I always notice her."

"I know that, but she doesn't."

"How does she not know that?"

"Because she's convinced herself that you'll never love her back, so she gave up."

"But I-nevermind."

"You what, Derek? You do love her? Maybe you should take some time and figure out how to be able to say it out loud to yourself before you tell her."

"I'm not going to tell her, JJ. She has Hotch now. She doesn't need me anymore."

"I can't believe you really think that. She could never stop needing you or loving you. No matter who comes along, no one could ever replace you in her heart. You're her hot stuff. No one can ever take that away from you. So, I suggest that you get your shit together and tell her how you feel about her before it actually is too late." JJ stands up and walks away, leaves me alone in the middle of the office, thinking about how I can't lose Pen.

But she has Hotch. Hotch is a better man than me. He's less damaged and has his life together and has things to offer her. Like a family and a home. What could I offer her? Nothing. All I have to give is my demons. And I don't want her to have those. I don't even want her to have to deal with those. Maybe this all worked out for the best and they'll be right for each other. I mean, I know that Hotch will treat her right. He is an incredible guy. If I have to lose her to anyone, I guess I'm glad it's him. I just don't want to have to lose her. She means too much to me. I can't let some other man have her. JJ is right. I need to tell her how I feel. Prove my love to her. Then she'll choose me. She has to. She loves me back. Right?

I look up at her office, hoping for some flashing neon sign to appear that reads "she loves you too, Derek," but the only thing that happens is Hotch opening the door, looking all sorts of disheveled. His shirt is untucked, his tie crooked, and his face smudged with lipstick. Then Pen emerges behind him and swats his butt as he walks away. The look she gives him breaks my heart all the more. She looks incredibly happy. And then she looks over at me and her face falls. I look away quickly and get up to head for the break room. I can't even look at her.

The look on her face was all the evidence I need to know that I'm right in thinking that she doesn't have feelings for me. She never did. She and Hotch seem happy. Maybe I should just bow out. I'll never find someone else like Pen, but I can at least try to find someone. And if not, I'll just be on my own. It'll be terrible, but no more terrible than this feeling right now. Knowing that she doesn't feel the same way about me that I've felt about her all along.

Stepping into the break room, I can finally take a deep breath and I realize that I had been tearing up because of a combination of seeing her with him and realizing that I was right all these years. I've never cried in the office before and somehow that makes me feel even worse. A few tears spill out as I hear someone come into the break room behind me.

"Derek," a small voice behind me begins. "I'm sorry you had to see that. I just- We just-"

"Don't worry about it, Penelope," I respond, turning around. I hear her gasp as she sees me crying, and I leave the break room to the sound of her once again whispering my name.

I grab my things and decide to take off for the day. They can manage without me. I need some time for myself. Time to figure things out. Time to start a new life. A life without Penelope.


	7. Chapter 7

**I do not own Criminal Minds nor any of the characters**

* * *

 _Was Derek just crying? Derek doesn't cry. What's going on?_ I think to myself as I watch him walk away. What could have made big bad Derek Morgan cry? Oh no. Derek had just seen me and Hotch leaving my office. It couldn't have been that, though. Derek wouldn't have cared. Unless he did. He's probably upset about something else. But the look on his face when he saw me and Hotch. I've never seen him look that way. I really need to go talk to him.

I move out of the break room, but Derek is nowhere to be found. I look around and see him on the elevator, with all his things. I run up to Hotch's office and tell him that I need to take the rest of the day off, but if we get a case, he can call me. He seems surprised by this, but I don't have time to answer questions, so I just run out before grabbing my things and heading to Derek's house.

When I knock on the door, he pretends to not be home, so I grab the spare key he gave me years ago and head inside. I look around the house for him, but don't find him until I get to his bedroom. What I see there shatters my heart. Derek, clenching the pillow that I used to use at sleepovers, sobbing uncontrollably. I've never seen Derek like this. I didn't even know Derek had emotions like this. I mean, I did, but he usually keeps them locked away and hidden from others. I climb onto the bed behind him and wrap my arms around him. He instantly stiffens and pulls away, looking at me like he's never looked at me before. Anger, pain, and something I can't identify are all burning in his eyes as he looks at me.

"Why did you choose him?" he asks, with a great deal of venom in his voice.

"What are you talking about?"

"Hotch. Why him? Why not me?"

"Derek. You sound insane. I didn't choose anyone. Hotch and I just sort of happened."

"No, you chose him. And you chose him over me."

"I did no such thing. You've never even been an option."

"Are you kidding me?" he asks, jumping off the bed and pacing in front of me. "I've loved you for so many years and every chance you get you choose someone else. It's never been me and it never will. First it's Kevin, then Sam, and now Hotch! I can't believe you're having sex with our boss. I can't believe that you're sleeping with someone from the team and it's not me. I just thought that some part of you loved me too and would want to be together when the right time came along. But I was so wrong. So wrong. You've never loved me. If you did, you wouldn't have jumped into Kevin's arms at the first opportunity after I told you I loved you. You would have stayed with me, been with me, loved me. But you-"

Before Derek could finish his statement, I leapt on him and kissed him for all I was worth. It doesn't take a full second for him to respond to the kiss, pulling me closer to him, lifting me up so my legs are wrapped around his waist. I couldn't help myself anymore. I know I'm sort of with Hotch, but I couldn't listen to Derek's rambling anymore. I couldn't let him believe even for a second that I don't love him. How could I not love him? Derek is everything to me. And this kiss is everything. Everything with Derek is absolutely perfect and makes me feel like I've never felt: whole.

I pull away from him after a long time of kissing, and he sets me back on the ground, holding on to me tightly, partially because he doesn't want to let go and partially because my knees will give out if he doesn't.

"Penelope," he begins.

"Derek, I love you too. Don't think for a second that I don't love you just as much as you love me."

"What-what did you say?" he asks, moving to sit on the bed.

I sit down next to him, facing him, before responding, "I love you, Derek Morgan. I have from the first moment we met and you called me Gomez. I've loved you every day I've known you. The only reason I didn't go for it is because you're you and I'm me."

"What's that supposed to mean?" he asks, sounding somewhat outraged by my comment.

"You're a sculpted god of chocolate thunder who has women throwing themselves at him and I'm me, a nerdy computer goddess who never thought that you would notice me, let alone love me."

"I've loved you since I met you. You're beautiful, smart, funny, and to top off your perfection, you have that incredible mouth that is so beautiful and kissable and dirty at the same time, saying some of the hottest things I've ever heard. Do you know how many cold showers I've had to take after having just a simple conversation with you?"

"Well, you don't have to take cold showers anymore. You can have me now. If you want me."

"Of course I want you. What about Hotch?"

"Derek, Hotch is Hotch and you are you."

"What's that supposed to mean."

"You and I. We were meant to be. Hotch will be fine without me. I'll be fine without him. I could never be fine without you."

Derek leaned in, closing the gap between us and pulling me on top of him, kissing me senseless. I could tell right then that this was the start of something beautiful. Derek's always been endgame for me, I just never thought that we'd actually get it to happen. We're both too stubborn to admit our feelings for each other, but right now, we have each other. And everything feels so right.


	8. Chapter 8

**I do not own Criminal Minds nor any of the characters**

* * *

 _What's going on with Penelope? It's so unlike her to leave work like that. And without any explanation? Something must be going on,_ I think to myself as I sit in my office. Penelope left my office a few hours ago, and I still haven't decided what to do. Is it weird if I go after her? Does it seem like I don't trust her or have control issues? Probably, but I'm also really worried. She seemed upset and then she didn't tell me what was going on.

And after this weekend, I can't afford to have her pull away from me. I always knew that being with her was going to be the greatest thing to ever happen to me. I just didn't realize how quickly I'd fall in love with her after being together. She means more to me now than she reasonably should. Normally, it would take me years to feel this way about a woman. But Penelope isn't just a woman. She's Penelope. I already can't imagine my life without her and we only have one weekend together. One spectacular weekend.

When we got home Friday night, we had sex, plain and simple. It was sex. Raw, hot, and intense. And we had a lot of it. We were so worn out by the time we eventually fell asleep that we didn't wake up again until Saturday afternoon when the doorbell rang and Jack was home from his sleepover. I don't know how Penelope felt about waking up after that night and seeing Jack first thing the next day, but for me, it felt so right. Waking up holding Penelope and then spending the afternoon with Jack. Everything felt perfect. We were a family. Finally a complete family again.

Then after Jack went to bed, we were able to just be a couple and it was amazing. We made love that night, and it was unlike any other sex I'd ever had. Probably because it truly was making love. Everything was different, especially in comparison to Friday night. It was slow, careful, exploratory, but with the same amount of heat and intensity as the previous night. And afterwards, I held her as we fell asleep. It felt so right. Come Sunday morning, I was able to wake her up in the most pleasurable manner possible before we spent the day together. It was very hard for both me and Jack when she had to leave, but we had truly had a perfect weekend.

And now she's gone and not telling me what's going on. Maybe I'll just head over to her apartment and see if everything's okay. We have a light workload today, anyway. Rossi can manage without me. I head out of the office and towards Penelope's apartment, but her car is nowhere to be found. Where else could she be? Where would she go that she wouldn't feel comfortable telling me? Derek's house.

But why would she go there? They've barely been talking lately. And she told me on Saturday that she wasn't even sure how she felt about him anymore. I was under the impression that that meant that she didn't have feelings for him anymore. Maybe she just needed to talk to him about something. Maybe it was about work. It definitely wasn't about work. We don't even have any work right now besides filling out paperwork.

Maybe they're trying to rekindle their friendship. I shouldn't jump to any conclusions about anything else they might be doing. That wouldn't be fair to Penelope. Maybe I should head back to work. It's going to make me seem crazy if I show up at Derek's place. Especially if they're just sitting on the couch talking. And I have no reason to believe that they're doing anything else.

She wouldn't do anything with him. She wouldn't. Not after this weekend. Not after this morning. Things between us have been so incredible lately. She wouldn't just leave me right after we got together. She wouldn't. We even talked about it this weekend. Because I was feeling insecure because of her relationship with Derek. And she told me that things between them had been drastically different lately. That she didn't feel that way towards him.

But now I don't know. Why else would she have gone to Derek's? And for that matter, where else would she go besides Derek's? I suppose she could be anywhere, but something in my gut is telling me that she's at Derek's. And my insecurities are coming out. There's no part of her that would choose me over Derek. I know that. No matter what she told me this weekend, if Derek were to finally get his act together and tell her how he feels about her, she would never be able to turn him down. She's been in love with him for far too long.

I pull onto Derek's street and see Penelope's car parked outside, confirming all my fears. Part of me wants to just drive back to work. Forget that any of this happened. Pretend that I was never here and try to act normally with Penelope. I can't lose her. Not now. Not now that we've just gotten together and had one of the best weekends of my life. But something is telling me that it doesn't matter whether I go in or not. I've already lost her.

I park my car and start to head inside. I know I'm going to regret going in, but I can't help myself. I need to know what's going on. I need to confirm my suspicions and fears. I find the front door unlocked, so I go inside. I can't find them anywhere, so I head upstairs when I hear it. Moaning. Grunting. And then a scream. But not a painful scream. A pleasure-filled scream. I don't need to open the door to Derek's bedroom to know what's going on in there, but something compels me to open the door anyway.

And when I do, I see the worst thing imaginable. Derek buried inside Penelope, pumping himself into her while she looks at him with so much intensity and love. She'll never look at me that way.


	9. Chapter 9

**I do not own Criminal Minds nor any of the characters**

* * *

 _This finally happened. We've finally done this. Me and Penelope. This is the best day of my life,_ I think to myself as I hold Penelope after what is arguably the best sex I've ever had. I know that we are endgame. She is my person. The one person that I'm meant to be with for the rest of my life. That's why I had avoided being with her all this time. I knew being with her would change everything. I wasn't entirely ready for that. I was so stupid.

I thought that I wasn't ready to give up my life as a player. I guess a part of me thought that being a player was better than being with Penelope could be. Boy, was I wrong. Being with Penelope is unlike anything that's ever happened to me. I'm somehow both more terrified and more excited than I've ever been. She makes me feel things that I've never felt before. Not even with the girlfriends I've had. I don't think I ever truly loved them. They were just my attempts at forgetting about Penelope. Especially since I thought that she didn't have feelings for me. She's just so perfect, I still don't understand how she could have feelings for me. I'm just lucky enough that she does.

I look down at Penelope who's drifting in and out of sleep in my arms. She looks so beautiful. Her face is flushed from exertion, her hair is fanned out across my chest, and she's holding on to me like if she lets go I won't be there anymore. It's exactly how I want to be held after today. It's how I need to be held. She opens her eyes and smiles up at me, and somehow she's even more beautiful than before.

"Hi, handsome," she says.

"Hi, there beautiful. Did you sleep at all?"

"Not really. I don't want to."

"Why?"

"Because when I wake up you might be gone."

"What are you talking about, silly girl. I'm right here and I'm not going anywhere."

"I want to believe that."

"But…"

"But, I'm not sure that I can."

"Why not?"

"Because I'm so scared that this is all going to have been a dream or that you're going to realize any second that this was all wrong and walk out."

"I'm not going to do that, Penelope. I love you. I've loved you for so long. There is no one else for me. It's just you. You and me. Forever if you'll have me."

"Are you serious?"

"Of course I am. You mean more to me than anyone else ever has. You're everything to me."

"Then why didn't you tell me sooner?"

"Because I wasn't ready. And you weren't ready. And, honestly, I thought you'd reject me."

"What?"

"I thought you'd take one look at my sorry ass and laugh me out of the room."

"I could never do that to you. I love you too."

"Well, I know that now, but if I had told you that I loved you all those years ago when I was still taking multiple girls home a night and flirting with any girl that moved slower than me, you would have kicked me out."

"That's not true."

"I didn't deserve you back then. Hell, I don't deserve you now."

"Yes you do. You've always deserved me."

"Well, I'm glad you think so."

"Derek, do you realize how amazing you are?"

"No I'm not. You're amazing."

"Hot Stuff, you need to stop deflecting. You're an incredible man. In addition to being an amazing friend and a perfect lover, you're one of the best people I've ever met. You care about everyone and you work so hard to be able to take care of everyone you love. You're compassionate, kind, loving, generous. You're just everything. I wish you could see yourself through my eyes and love yourself as much as I love you."

"Baby Girl, you're amazing. I love you more than I'll ever be able to say."

"I love you too, Derek."

"Can we talk for a minute about Hotch?" I ask and Penelope stiffens slightly in my arms. "We don't have to."

"No, it's fine. I honestly had just forgotten about all of that."

"Really?"

"Yeah, being with you makes me forget everything else that's going on."

"I love you," I say, leaning down to kiss Penelope soundly before pulling back and looking at her again. "So, what are you going to do about Hotch?"

"Well, I'm going to call him and ask to meet so that we can end it. I don't want to do it over the phone. He deserves more than that."

"What are you going to tell him?"

"Honestly, I'm not sure. Part of me wants to tell him that things between he and I just wouldn't work out, but another part of me wants to tell him everything. I feel like he deserves to hear the truth, I'm just not sure that I'll be able to handle the look on his face when I tell it to him."

"He's a grown man, I'm sure he'll be able to handle it."

"That makes one of us. You didn't see his face when I had to go home Sunday night."

"Wait, you stayed there all weekend?"

"Um, yeah."

"But, didn't Jack come back at some point."

"Yeah, he did."

"And you still stayed?"

"Hotch wanted me to."

"Oh shit. He's way more invested in this than I thought he was. Is he in love with you?"

"I'm not sure. I think he might be. He talked about us starting a family."

"Woah. He was not wasting any time. I mean, I want us to start a family, too, I just wouldn't have told you so soon."

"You just did, Hot Stuff," Penelope responds, patting my chest before standing up and walking to the bathroom. "Now, I need a shower," she starts, look at me with a sultry gaze. "Do you think you can help me?" I leap out of bed and follow her into the bathroom.


	10. Chapter 10

**I do not own Criminal Minds nor any of the characters**

* * *

 _I really don't want to do this. He needs to know, but I don't want to have to tell him. I should have had Derek come with me. No. Bad idea. This is for the best,_ I think to myself as I walk into the coffee shop Hotch and I had agreed on to have a chat. I see him across the room and head over to him, trying to not make eye contact. This is hard enough, I don't think I'll be able to take the look in his eyes when I tell him.

Sitting down, the only thing I'm thinking about is Derek. I need to remember that the pain of everything that's about to happen is going to be worth it. Because at the end of this, I get to go home and be with Derek. Spend the rest of my life with Derek. I can get through this. I can get through anything as long as Derek's on the other side.

"Penelope," Aaron begins as I sit down. "It's so good to see you. I was a little worried that I hadn't heard from you in a while and then yesterday with you leaving work in such a rush."

"Yeah, I'm really sorry about that Aaron. There was just some stuff going on that I needed to deal with."

"Oh. Is everything alright?"

"Yes, actually. Everything is pretty great."

"Care to share?"

"Well, I don't really know how to go about telling you this."

"What do you mean?"

"Just, let me start from the beginning and get all of this out."

"Okay."

"When I started at the BAU, I never expected to love my job and find a family and be truly happy for the first time in a very long time, but I did. Everything was so great when I started. Everyone was welcoming and loving and really cared about me. I was so unused to that. But more than anything, what surprised me was meeting Derek. Here was this gorgeous man who was so kind to me and we flirted constantly and our sexual tension could have set several rooms on fire. I fell in love with him. I didn't want to and I didn't mean to, but it happened. But I pretty quickly convinced myself that nothing would ever happen between the two of us. So, I started seeing other people. First was Kevin, but when push came to shove, I just couldn't be with him. He wasn't Derek. Then there was Sam and being with Sam was so easy, but I just couldn't love him. I wasn't capable of it. So I was back to daydreaming about Derek when you came along. And honestly, I had never thought of you in a romantic way before that night, but you came and you saved me when Derek didn't even notice me. And that night, I didn't think about Derek once. It was so incredible. Being with you was so incredible. Please believe me when I say that. It was truly an amazing weekend. Spending time with you and Jack, being a family. But, on Monday, after the time in my office, I saw Derek looking at us when you were leaving. So I went to talk to him and he was crying and then he left the office. I followed him to his house and he told me that he loved me. I thought that after all this time, if he were to ever tell me that he loved me, I'd be able to not react to it, or pretend to be not in love with him, but I couldn't. Because I'm in love with him too. No matter what he does and no matter how much time passes, I still love him. I just can't help myself. So, we talked about it and decided to give it a try. I'm really sorry, Aaron. I need you to know how sorry I am," I finish and finally look into his eyes. There I find sorrow and love, but no surprise. "You knew?"

"Yeah. After you left work, I went after you a few hours later because I was really worried about what had happened. I went to your apartment, but you weren't there, and the only other place I could think of was Derek's house. I saw your car out front, and something came over me. I don't really know how to describe it. I guess it was a combination of fear and jealousy, but whatever it was took over me and I went to the door, which was open, went upstairs and didn't have to look long to figure out exactly what was going on. And what it meant for us."

"I'm so sorry. I'm sorry you saw that."

"Penelope, I forgive you. I want what's best for you, and if that's Derek, then it's Derek. I'm just sorry that it wasn't me."

"I know, and I'm sorry that I'm not actually capable of getting over Derek. I wish that I was. Because this past weekend – it was beautiful."

"It really was. We really were," he says, grabbing my hand and squeezing it before letting go and sitting back in his seat. "Now then, do you want to get something to eat?"

"No, thank you, I should get home. Derek's waiting."

"Right, then I'll see you at work."

I head out from the coffee shop, back to my car, thinking only of Derek. Even though talking to Hotch was painful, I know it was the right thing. And it means that Derek and I can be together guilt-free. I still can't believe all of this. That Derek's with me. That I'm with Derek. That I get to go home and he'll be there waiting with open arms and we can spend the rest of our lives together. We can start our own family, and have as many mocha babies as possible. I can't wait.


	11. Epilogue

**I do not own Criminal Minds nor any of the characters**

* * *

One Year Later

 _I can't believe this is happening? How did I get so lucky?_ I think to myself as I grab onto Rossi's arm and head for the church doors. I get to marry my best friend today. I'm the luckiest girl in the world. I look at Rossi who is staring at me, smiling. "You look beautiful. Are you ready, kitten?"

"So ready. Let's do this." The church doors open revealing all of our friends and family, but all I can see is Derek at the end of the aisle. He's looking back at me with an expression of pure joy, and I can't take my eyes off of him. This is really happening. This isn't a dream. I get the happy ending with the man of my dreams.

* * *

 _I'm so happy for them. They both look so happy,_ I think to myself as I look back and forth between Penelope and Derek who are smiling at each other and not even realizing that other people are here. It's been a long time since I've seen two people who are that happy. Even though things didn't work out between me and Penelope, I know that it was for the best. She and Derek belong together. They were made for each other.

I lean over to Emily and whisper into her ear "Maybe someday that'll be us." She smiles back at me and kisses me briefly before turning back to watch the happy couple who have now joined hands and begun the ceremony. Yes, everything turned out alright. I still got the girl, and she's perfect. I still get the happy ending with the woman of my dreams.

* * *

 _This is the best day of my life. I've never been this happy before_ , I think to myself as I look into Penelope's eyes, holding her hand, and telling her just how much I love her and will care for her the rest of my days. Nothing I've ever said has been more true. Penelope is everything to me. I don't know how I lived without her and I'm so excited to spend the rest of my life showing her how much I love and care for her. And I can't wait to start our family together. In just six months, we'll have a baby of our own. The first of many, I hope.

As Penelope finishes saying her vows, I look into her eyes and see her smiling while tears are falling down her face, and I'm sure I look the same. Finally, the minister proclaims us married and I kiss Penelope for all I'm worth, the first kiss of our new life together. A life of love and happiness.


End file.
